What helps a parent stay connected to a child with ADHD when behavior is difficult, school is challenging, and everyone seems to have an opinion about what you should be doing differently?
In this episode of The ADHD Kids Can Thrive Podcast, Kate Brownfield, ACC, ADHD and Executive Function Parent Coach and founder of ADHD Kids Can Thrive, talks with author Aimee Kaufman about raising her daughter with ADHD and the long journey toward diagnosis, understanding, advocacy, and acceptance.
Aimee is the author of No One Else I’d Rather Be: Loving a Daughter with ADHD for Who She Is, a memoir about parenting through criticism, uncertainty, school struggles, and difficult moments while holding onto one central belief: her daughter needed to know she was deeply loved.
Their conversation offers an honest look at what parenting a child with ADHD can require over time—not just strategies, but advocacy, perspective, patience, and the ability to keep seeing the child underneath the struggle.
Quick Answer: What Helps Parents Raising a Child With ADHD?
Children with ADHD often need more than reminders, consequences, or encouragement to “try harder.” Parents may need to understand executive function challenges, emotional regulation, school needs, treatment options, and the reasons behind difficult behavior.
Just as importantly, children need to know that struggles with ADHD do not change their worth or their place in the family.
For parents, the goal is not perfect parenting. It is learning how to support the child in front of you while preserving connection, setting appropriate expectations, and continuing to advocate when support is needed.
A Long Road to an ADHD Diagnosis
For Aimee Kaufman’s family, understanding her daughter’s ADHD did not happen quickly.
In the podcast, Aimee describes a journey that stretched across many years and included behavioral struggles, school challenges, criticism from others, and moments when it was difficult to understand why her daughter reacted the way she did.
Like many parents raising a child with ADHD, she was trying to answer a difficult question:
Is my child choosing this behavior—or is something getting in the way of her ability to respond differently?
That distinction can change the way parents approach ADHD behavior.
A child may understand an expectation and still struggle to pause, regulate an emotion, organize themselves, remember what to do, or follow through consistently.
Understanding ADHD does not mean removing boundaries or expectations. It means becoming more curious about what may be underneath the behavior.
When “I Won’t” May Really Mean “I Can’t Yet”
Parents of children with ADHD often encounter behaviors that can look intentional:
A child refuses.
A teenager argues.
Homework does not get done.
Something impulsive is said.
The same mistake happens again.
It can be tempting to assume the child does not care or is deliberately being difficult.
But ADHD can affect impulse control, working memory, emotional regulation, executive functioning, and the ability to stop and think before acting.
One theme in Aimee’s story is learning to separate her daughter from the behavior.
That does not mean every behavior is acceptable.
It means asking a better question:
What might my child be struggling to do in this moment?
That question can open the door to a very different kind of parenting response.
Why Connection Matters When Parenting a Child With ADHD
One of the strongest themes in No One Else I’d Rather Be is unconditional love.
Aimee describes the importance of making sure her daughter knew that even during the hardest periods, the relationship itself remained secure.
This can be particularly meaningful for children with ADHD who may receive frequent correction at school and at home.
They may hear:
Pay attention.
Stop interrupting.
Try harder.
Remember your homework.
Calm down.
Why did you do that again?
Over time, repeated correction can begin to affect how a child sees themselves.
Parents cannot remove every difficult experience from a child’s life. But home can become a place where a child learns:
ADHD may make some things harder for me, but difficulty does not make me a bad person.
How Can Parents Advocate for a Child With ADHD at School?
School advocacy is another important part of Aimee Kaufman’s story.
Children with ADHD may need support for attention, organization, executive functioning, emotional regulation, assignments, testing, or other aspects of school life.
Parents may find themselves navigating teachers, school teams, accommodations, 504 Plans, and differing opinions about what their child needs.
Effective advocacy often starts with helping the adults around a child understand both the challenges and the strengths the child brings into the classroom.
Parents can also benefit from approaching the school relationship as a partnership whenever possible.
Helpful questions might include:
What is getting in the way of my child’s success here?
What support has helped in the past?
What does my child say would make this easier?
Are we addressing a skill problem, a support problem, or an expectation that needs to be reconsidered?
Advocacy is not about removing every challenge. It is about making sure a child has a reasonable opportunity to access learning and develop skills.
ADHD Medication Can Be One Part of a Larger Plan
Aimee also discusses her family’s experience navigating ADHD medication.
For some children and teens, medication may be one component of ADHD treatment. Families may also use behavioral support, therapy, parent coaching, executive function strategies, school accommodations, routines, and other supports.
There is rarely one intervention that solves every ADHD-related challenge.
Treatment decisions should be individualized and made with qualified healthcare professionals who understand the child’s medical history, symptoms, needs, and response to treatment.
The larger lesson for parents is that supporting ADHD often involves trial, observation, adjustment, and learning over time.
What Happens to Family Relationships When One Child Has ADHD?
ADHD does not affect only the diagnosed child.
It can affect sibling relationships, parent-child relationships, household routines, expectations, and the family’s emotional climate.
Siblings may feel that one child receives more attention or different rules.
Parents may disagree about discipline.
Everyone may become tired of the same recurring conflict.
Aimee talks openly about the effect ADHD had on relationships within her family and how those relationships changed over time.
Her story offers an important reminder:
A difficult chapter in family life does not necessarily predict the ending.
Children mature.
Skills develop.
Relationships can repair.
Parents learn.
And families can change.
Can a Child With ADHD Grow Into a Thriving Adult?
One of the most hopeful parts of Aimee Kaufman’s story is seeing her daughter move from significant childhood challenges toward greater independence, success, and a fulfilling adult life.
For parents currently living through school struggles, emotional outbursts, missing assignments, or uncertainty about the future, it can be difficult to imagine what life might look like ten years from now.
Parents naturally worry.
But the child struggling today is still developing.
Executive function continues to mature. Experience accumulates. Support can change. Self-understanding can grow.
A difficult fifth grade, eighth grade, or sophomore year does not tell you everything about the adult your child will become.
A Parent Coach’s Perspective: Look Beneath the Behavior
As an ADHD and Executive Function Parent Coach, one of the shifts I often encourage parents to make is moving from:
“How do I stop this behavior?”
to:
“What might be happening underneath this behavior?”
That does not mean ignoring boundaries or letting children do whatever they want.
It means becoming curious enough to understand the pattern before deciding how to respond.
Sometimes a child needs more structure.
Sometimes they need to learn a skill differently.
Sometimes expectations need to become clearer.
Sometimes parents need to step back.
Sometimes they need to step in and provide more support.
ADHD parenting strategies are no longer scarce.
The harder work is figuring out which support fits this particular child, family, and moment.
That is where ADHD parent coaching can help.
What Parents Can Take Away From This Episode
Aimee Kaufman’s story offers several reminders for parents raising children with ADHD:
- Behavior does not always tell us what a child is struggling with underneath.
- Understanding ADHD can reduce shame without removing responsibility.
- Connection matters, especially when a child is receiving frequent correction.
- School advocacy can be an important part of supporting a student with ADHD.
- Medication may be one tool within a broader ADHD support plan.
- ADHD affects the whole family, including sibling and parent-child relationships.
- Children continue developing, and current struggles do not determine their future.
- Parents need support too.
Most importantly, difficult ADHD parenting moments do not have to define the relationship between a parent and child.
Listen to the ADHD Kids Can Thrive Podcast
Listen to Kate Brownfield’s conversation with Aimee Kaufman on The ADHD Kids Can Thrive Podcast.
Aimee shares the story behind No One Else I’d Rather Be, her daughter’s long road to an ADHD diagnosis, school advocacy, medication decisions, sibling relationships, and what she learned about loving a child through difficult seasons.
Listen to the episode:
https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-3x7tk-196749a
About Aimee Kaufman and No One Else I’d Rather Be
Aimee Kaufman is the author of No One Else I’d Rather Be: Loving a Daughter with ADHD for Who She Is, a memoir about raising her younger daughter with ADHD, advocating for her needs, navigating criticism, and learning to trust the importance of their relationship.
Learn more about the book:
https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/No-One-Else-Id-Rather-Be/Aimee-Kaufman/9781647428280
Frequently Asked Questions About Parenting a Child With ADHD
How should parents respond to difficult ADHD behavior?
Before assuming a child is intentionally refusing or misbehaving, parents can consider what skills or demands may be contributing to the behavior. ADHD can affect executive functioning, impulse control, emotional regulation, attention, and follow-through. Understanding the cause can help parents choose a more effective response.
Does understanding ADHD mean lowering expectations?
No. Understanding ADHD can help parents set clearer expectations that better match a child’s developmental and executive function abilities. Children can still have boundaries and responsibilities while receiving appropriate support.
How can I advocate for my child with ADHD at school?
Parents can communicate their child’s strengths and challenges, ask what is getting in the way of learning, collaborate with teachers, and discuss whether accommodations or additional school support may be appropriate.
Can ADHD medication help children?
Medication can be one evidence-based treatment option for ADHD, but treatment decisions are individualized. Parents should discuss potential benefits, risks, side effects, and alternatives with a qualified prescribing healthcare professional.
Can children with ADHD become successful adults?
Yes. ADHD can create meaningful challenges, but children continue developing skills, self-awareness, coping strategies, and independence over time. Appropriate support at home, school, and when needed through healthcare or other professionals can help children build toward adulthood.
How can ADHD parent coaching help?
ADHD parent coaching can help parents understand patterns behind recurring struggles, think through expectations and boundaries, support executive function development, reduce unnecessary conflict, and decide which ADHD strategies may fit their particular child and family.
About Kate Brownfield, ACC
Kate Brownfield, ACC, is an ICF Associate Certified Coach, Certified ADHD and Executive Function Parent Coach, founder of ADHD Kids Can Thrive, author of How We Roll: A Parent’s Journey of Raising a Child with ADHD, and host of The ADHD Kids Can Thrive Podcast.
Kate supports parents raising children and teens with ADHD who are navigating executive function challenges, homework struggles, screen-time conflict, emotional regulation, routines, boundaries, school concerns, and recurring parent-child conflict.
Through private ADHD parent coaching, group coaching and community support, education, and expert podcast conversations, Kate helps parents move beyond generic ADHD advice and determine what may actually help their child and family.
Learn more about ADHD parent coaching and support at:
Subscribe to The ADHD Kids Can Thrive Podcast
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This article and podcast are for educational purposes and are not a substitute for individualized medical, mental health, or educational advice.